Talking to Your Child About Sex

Parents want their children to feel comfortable with their bodies and to have an understanding of sexuality. Many children ages two to give naturally become curious and explore all parts of the body, although in a manner innocent manner than we, as parents, often see it.

Keep in mind that learning about sexual issues is a gradual process. The right time to address the issue is when questions are asked. Then try to answer the as simply and honestly as you can.

You may well discover your child is using words while having no understanding of their meaning. If you are caught off-guard, and aren't sure what to say, tell your child, "I'd like to answer that question, but I need to think about it for awhile."

• Model and teach privacy, respect, and personal boundaries. What is considered "normal" varies a lot from family to family. Consistency in you actions will minimize mixed messages and confusion for your child.
  
  
• Respect a child' curiosity while maintaining adult privacy. Choose an approach that allows fo your verbal responses to the child's curiosity but avoids his looking at or touching "private parts."
  
  
• Many experts agree that the right age to inform a child about sexual matters is when he asks questions.
  
  
• When your child asks a difficult question, respond by asking him, "What do you think?" When you know where he's coming from, you will have a better understanding of how to start your discussion or answer his question.
  
  
• Teach your child the correct words for genitals and talk about them in the same way you talk about other parts of the body.
  
  
• Be careful about giving your child "too much too soon." While there is no reason why children's sex questions cannot be answered frankly, the answers need not be a course in obstetrics.
  
  
• When you open the bedroom door and see two little bare bottom kids playing doctor, keep your reaction low key as you stop the behaviour. Tell the parents of the other child if there has been an episode of "playing doctor" so they can address the issue with their child.
  
  
• Realize that the two of the questions that puzzle many preschool children are "How does a baby begin to grow?" and "How does it come out?"
  
  
• Note that many children are not ready for all the facts and can actually be quite uncomfortable when given too much information.
  
  
• Be patient; realize that sometimes a young child may be more comfortable with his own ideas of how things happen, preferring to deny "the truth" until he is older. Parents can say, "That's an interesting idea you have," without further comment. If the child asks for more information or his perception is causing a problem for himself or confusion for others, read a book on the subject together.
  
  
• Emphasize the fact that you will always make time to listen and talk with your child. However, if the subject is one that is confusing to you as well, use delay tactics until you have the information to form an easy answer.
  
  
• Be aware of the tone you use when you talk about sex. Establish respectful, matter-of-fact, open lines of communication so your child feels he can talk to you about sensitive subjects without ridicule or shame, creating a trusting caring rapport in the early years.
  
  
• Keep in mind that although your child says he understands, he may not "get it" at all!
  
  
• It's not always necessary to give an explanation.
  
  
• Realize that a child may not view situations in the same sexual context as an adult.
  
  
• Be aware that many psychologists consider occasional masturbation normal. Child psychologist and author Haim Ginott felt that as long as the child's main satisfactions come from personal relationships and acheivements, occasional "self-gratification" is not a problem.
  
  
• Discuss with your spouse your feelings about sex role, gender-proper behaviour and stereotyping in private.
  
  
• Realize that your children are learning about love, relationships, and problem solving from observing your marital relationship. Some couples are more comfortable expressing physcial affection, like cuddling and kissing in private.
  

Your kids are watching and listening to you daily as they learn more about themselves and others from your example and your explanations; if you're comfortable with your own sexuality, chances are you will be successful in helping your kids understand and accept theirs too.