Build Your Child's Conscience

Let's say your 10 year old is tempted to steal a pack of gum from a convenience store, but doesn't. What stops him? Is it the fear of being caught and getting into trouble with the store owner, the police, and you? Or does he stop because he knows it is wrong to take something that doesn't belong to him?

Regardless of the reason, it is his conscience that keeps him from slipping the gum into his pocket. The conscience tells him to do what's right, even when no one is watching. Developing a conscience does not just happen. Kids do not acquire control over their impulses without teaching, interference, and limits from parents and other significant adults.

Many parents quite naturally go about building their children's conscience. If you are not sure you are doing an effective job and don't want to leave the process to chance, there are two emotions which can help you guide your child.


Pride
Let your children know what brings you pride. When any of your kids do something that in your eyes is right, let him see the adoration and approval on your face. Then underline your pride with words.

When your preschooler, without a reminder, carries his plate from the table to the counter after dinner, complement him. When you exhibit pride in such situations, your child learns that helping and responsibility are right.

As children grow older, they no longer need to hear your approval, they feel pride in doing what is right all on their own. The power of parental pride transfers from parent to child. They do what is right automatically; it is the positive voice of their conscience talking.


Guilt
When your child does something you believe is wrong, reprimand him. Inflict a little guilt. Guilt imposes an uneasy feeling that relates to parental disapproval. Don't however paralyze your child with guilt. Use it in small and appropriate doses, building a healthy conscience.

Parents have the power to use pride and guilt to teach children right from wrong. Use your power wisely and responsibly. Keep your expectations realistic. Realize you'll need to teach lessons of right and wrong over and over again.

Do you make a conscious effort to build up your child's conscience? If so, what are your secrets?