Essential Rules for Managing Behaviour

When your child misbehaves or refuses to comply, refer to this list. You need many approaches at your fingertips. Many of these approaches may already be part of your disciplinary repertoire. Give yourself credit for the ones you use automatically. As you incorporate more and more into your parenting modus operandi, you'll feel more competent as you guide your children toward positive social behaviour.

1. Describe what your child does that it right.
   Then move or guide him onto the next activity (which you want done).
   
   
2. Use proximity control.
   When your child is beginning to get disruptive, quietly and gently move closer. Often your calm presence raises a child to a higherlevel of behving. Whether at a family gathering, when completing homework assignments, or when a friend comes over to play with your child, your proximity often provides positive control without you ever needing to say a word.
   
   
3. Redirect your child.
   If your toddler is touching something he's not supposed to touch, show your child what he can touch. If your child is jumping on the sofa, show him where he can jump. Telling a young child to stop is not enough. The child may stop for a second, but because his mind isn't particularly flexible, he can't think of something bettwe to do. That's why you need to take it upon yourself to redirect your child to an appropriate activity.
   
   
4. Remove an object.
   If your child is colouring on the wall, remove the crayons. Another time demonstrate how and where to use crayon properly.
   
   
5. Lay out at most two realistic expectations.
   Before going somewhere, with fair warning and clear and reasonable expectations laid out, children usually behave better.
   
   
6. Stay away from difficult situations.
   If going to the grocery store causes problems, go when your spouse or someone trustworthy can watch your child. A month's respite from taking your child to the grocery store is often enough to give you and your child the opportunity to start up a new grocery store routine, and behaviour will magically improve.
   
   
7. Avoid lots of changes all at once.
   Don't move, fly to Disneyland, and buy a new puppy all in the same month that your child starts school. Most children, no matter their age, do not have the coping skills to adjust to all that changes at once.
   
   
8. Remove your out-of-control child.
   Take him from the scene of the misbehaviour. Go for a walk, go to another room, and stay with him until he's calm. Any time your child is disruptive, escorting him away from the situation often gives the anxious child the opportunity to pull himself together and re-enter the situation. You're required to stay calm.
   
   
9. Provide the control your child lacks.
   If you want your toddler to get down from the dining room table, say, "I'm not going to allow you to stand on the table. Do you want to get down yourself or do you want me to get you down?"
   You provide the control. In time, it transfers from you to your child.
   
   
10. Give clear commands and demonstrate.
    Rather than saying, "Put the toys away," it's better to say, "Put the truck in the box. I'll put one in, I'll watch you do the rest."
    
    
11. Look to the next event.
    Because children live in the moment, it's tough for them to make the transition from one situation to the next. This fact is particularly true for young children, but even teens like to be apprised of what's happening next on the family's agenda.
    
    
12. Offer a choice in a "no choice" situation.
    When parents give a directive, children are more likely to go along with it if they are given some choice in the matter.
    
    
13. Establish rules.
    Work to establish one or two reasonable rules at a time, and then refer to them. Once one new rule is well established, then you can introduce another new one.
    
    
14. Give to children in fantasy whay they can't have in reality.
    This approach is effective because by a describing a child's wishes she feels validated and she actually imagines her wish coming true.
    
    
15. Ease transitions.
    Help your little ones make the transition from one activity or situation to another. Because children have a tough time moving from one activity to another, singing a song to them when getting to the dinner table, to bed, or out the door triggers the event in the child's mind, thereby easing them from one situation to the next.
    
    
16. Surrender.
    When a situation is difficult, when you, your children or the household seem out of control, stop! Sit on a chair or sit on the floor near your children. Breathe deeply and let the tense moment pass. Don't feel you always need a perfect solution to a difficult or unpleasant situation. Some times it's better for everyone to simply let the moment pass.
    
    
17. Let your child be in charge.
    Children need the opportunity to be the boss, be in control of a situation, or be in charge of a project.The parent follows the child's lead. It could be building with blocks, planning a slumber party, or working on a science project. Putting a child in charge of cetain situations increases the likelihood she will comply with your requests.
    
    
18. Engage your child's imagination.
    Children have wonderful imaginations. Play into the imaginative word for compliance. Imaginative approaches put your child on the path to good behaviour.
    
    

Kids misbaving? Daunted at the prospect of being an effective disciplinarian? Don't be, help's on your way, tomorrow.