EXPERIENCING DIVORCE IN CHILDHOOD

Childhood is usually said to be a strong dependence period of children on family, parents, and home. In this sense, the children are more strongly connected through the family, as opposed to other age groups.

During their childhood years, children tend to be family-focused; their parents are their favoured company, and their home is the preferred place to be. When faced with divorce at this time of age, the loss of these security and connections create grief and insecurity.

As mentioned, insecurity and anxiety tend to predominate the issues of primary concern when parents divorce. Because family feels so out of control when parents divorce, children strive to get some control back. They will often seek control by engaging in regressive behaviour.

Divorce, however, is so frequent today, that it is among children's most common fears. To the fearful child, angry conflict is equated with loss of love, and loss of love, with the marriage ending. Thus, for many contemporary children, parental divorce is a bad dream come true.

Scaring the Child with Safety?
It is normal for a child to have fears of further loss as a consequence of parental divorce and to act more anxious, insecure, and clinging on that account. It is also normal for a single parent to want to reassure the child by making the new family situation as safe as possible. What the parent has to watch out for is scaring the child with the safety precautions he or she is taking and all the reassurances he or she is making.

Instead of alleviating the child's anxiety over safety, act with acceptance, trust, and confidence, and your child will learn to do the same.



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